upside down

   Doctors did what they usually do, write prescriptions and a you-will-soon-be-ok

 They were wrong.

The spinning got faster. No position was a relief, lying in bed, sitting or trying to stand. It became a 24/7 feeling. And it got worse, I could not move my legs, my hands were shaking…Hell.

How many times I called 911. Went through triage, described my symptoms, waited in waiting rooms, saw doctors. I visited the hospital so often that I become familiar face. the hospital staff knew who I was.

 I learned something, if you visit the ER more than 3 times a week, they stop taking you seriously, no matter what you are going through.

So, I stopped going to the hospital.

All I did was lying in bed all day long, trying to control the spinning while waiting for a miracle to happen. Like all long term sick people, I waited for something out of the ordinary to happen. Some day dream  just take my mind of this awful feeling of hopelessness.

And it happened, something out of the ordinary, something that shook my fragile, spinning world.

The person who was supposed to make all this a little bit easier by offering some comfort, well he just chose the right/worse possible moment to show me his dark side.

Like all coward abusers, he started small. No hellos, or how are yous in the morning, if I ask for something, he would just walk away, ignoring…and like with all cowards, things kept escalating, verbal abuse and a one shy, coward, tainted physical attempt.

God, how much I cried, I am a crying strong person, here is your oxymoron of the day.

I cried, I cried while my world was spinning, the room and bed sheets are dirty I smelled awful, as it has been 2 weeks I did not take a shower, I could not stand or sit to clean myself.

Going to the washroom was literally a pain in the derriere. My back and shoulders hurt like hell; guess why, 24/7 in bed.

I cried and cried and I cried more.

And yes it got worse.

The person I was talking about, in addition to being a coward, he and I have the same parents, and probably our DNA is not that different. Yep.

See you next time in vertigoville, a place that Kafka could never have imagined.