Square one

I could not control my feet.

I knew the feeling
It started with a sudden, tremendous headache, then a lost of control over the eyes.
The eyes started to move so fast.
Right.
Left.
Right
Left.
Then, the rest of the body followed, pounding in the chest, weakening of the knees, spinning in the head.
My feet has gone wild, I could not control my feet. I knew better than to try to sit down, it would only get worse.
I needed to lie down.
I could not lie down, I was halfway through my daily walk.
One block and a ½ to go to destination
I had to do it.
One step, 2 steps. Stop
3 steps, 4 steps. Stop
Oh, anger my dear old friend. I needed a helping hand.
I could not afford to start all over again, I had to keep walking.
One step, 2 steps. Stop.
...
And I reached my destination. I won.
Exhausted and out of breath I reached my destination, it would take 2 days before I was able to leave the house again.
½ a block.
One block.
A block and a ½…
The journey to recovery was going to be long, tiresome and on many fronts, because once the vertigo hits, the game is over. You number is up.
 You are branded.
 You belong to the disease.
It never hits alone, it always brings its load of anxiety, constant fear, depression, hopelessness…
No day went by, without the fear of being hit again.
 How to react, how to be ready, is there any kind of steadiness at the end of this spinning tunnel…
Questions and questions waiting to be answered,and in the meantime I was supposed to deal with the flows of the health system, its skepticism, and the absence of any kind of support...
Doctors are supposed to provide answers, and when they cannot, patients are left in a constant state of dizziness.
I am dizzy.
I wish I had an answer.
Answers, answers my kingdom for answers.
Thou shalt not ask for pity.
I am seeking answers.